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Arnell 's Creative Writing -ACR

The Writer Staring into Inspiration

Creative Writing SETTINGS DESIGNED TO INSPIRE

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Idle Thoughts In a World Full of Chaos!

The Bizarro World Has Arrived

When I was a kid, I used to read Superman comics.  One of the repeating stories was about Superman discovering an alternate universe of Earth.  It was called the Bizarro World.  In the Bizarro world everything was the exact opposite of life in the real world.  The people had white faces that looked like puzzle pieces put together.  Now this was the early 1960s.  So you know there was no chance of having any black characters in the Bizarro world.  That was one thing that was constant between real comic books and the Bizarro world.  No black people were acknowledged!  We simply did not exist in the eyes of regular white people or Bizarro white people.  I realized this morning that the current alleged President of these United States is from the Bizarro world.  That's why he will not accept that he lost the election.  That's why he lies so much!  He is in the wrong alternate universe.  I think NASA should just go get him....put him on whatever rocket they have and send his ass back to the Bizarro world.  Problem over and we can move on with the transition.

 

What happened to Lysol?

Whatever happened to Lysol?  Remember him?  Before Covid, Lysol was the Man.  Lysol was in every home. Just hanging out in cabinets.  You could always find Lysol waiting on grocery store shelves.  Just waiting for you to take him to your home.  Lysol was a staple on drug store shelves.  Lysol had his yellow can wardrobe, blue can wardrobe, and sometimes would break out in his green can wardrobe.  You needed something sanitized fast you would grab Lysol and Lysol would take care of business.  Then Lysol would just take up guard again on the shelf until called upon next time. 

Germs and viruses would see Lysol and turn the hell around.  Lysol Jones.  Had his own commercials.  They would play the theme to Shaft in black homes when using Lysol.  “I’m talking about Lysol. Well we can dig it.”  I would spray Lysol everywhere.  Inside cars.  On couches.  In bathrooms.  Sinks.  Spray bedsheets.  Toilet seats.  Light switches.  Door knobs.  Trash cans.  Clothes. I even used Lysol as air freshener.  I just knew Lysol would take care of business.

Then came Covid 19.  Once Covid came out Lysol just disappeared.  It’s like in the Avengers Infinity War movie where the Hulk got scared of Thanos.  Bruce couldn’t make the Hulk come out.  The Hulk was saying “nooooooo!” Covid scared the hell out of Lysol.  So, Lysol just left town.  Went out to the   mountains in isolation waiting for Covid to leave.  Somebody said they even saw one yellow can of Lysol in Antarctica. Then somebody else said they saw Lysol in Africa in the jungle. 

Bad boy Covid is still hanging around acting a damn fool. So now when you go to any store you can’t find a Lysol can anywhere.  You just see signs, “Him gone!” Now in place of Lysol you got all these second-class super hero virus fighters.  Stuff that people made in their bathroom tubs and stuff and forced into cans and bottles.  Labels all crooked on the can.  Instead of a spray can, you have to pump stuff out and throw it at what you want sanitized.  These pretenders have tough names too.  Like “Wipe out”. “Virus Blaster”. “Oh no you don’t!” and “B Gone”.

I do want to see Lysol take on Covid one on one.  Don’t wimp out like the Hulk did.  I want Lysol to come back meaner and tougher.  Redesign the Lysol can.  Make it all black. Put some bold red and green letters on the can L Y S O L.  Two black power fists coming out of the top of the can.  Make some commercials where Lysol comes out of the sky and lands right in front of Covid.  Then Lysol blasts Covid with Lysol rays and just evaporates Covid in mini explosions.  That’s the American way.  Victory through violence.

 

Express Dentist Appointments During Covid

I just got back from a dentist appointment in record breaking time.  Under Covid the environment in the dentist office is totally different from the Pre Covid.  You walk into the office and are "greeted" by a plastic shield designed to stop those Covid virus particles from hurtling toward the receptionist as you speak. Of course  you must have a mask on prior to entering.  I still am celebrating the fact that I can now walk into any European American business with a mask on and not get shot, or have the police called due to my wearing a mask!  Everyone in my dentist office was wearing surgical gear and a mask.  It was like I was in the emergency room of a hospital.  You have to fill out a "survey" which pretty much is an affidavit saying you don't have Covid and haven't been traveling in a Covid hot zone the past 2 weeks.  You know people are lying on the form as they just want their teeth cleaned so they can quickly get out of this indoor Covid repository.  People social distance from you in their seats and I try not to make eye contact so as not to entice their Covid germs to head towards my eye sockets.  I am finally called for my appointment and I get the impression my dental assistant is afraid I am a Covid carrier.  I have to use hand sanitizer, gargle with some type of antiseptic, and have a finger temperature check.  And I forgot that outside in the lobby I already had a forehead temperature check done!  After these 3 layers of Covid security the dental assistant is ready to go to work.  Home girl must have cleaned my teeth, rinsed, polished, and examined my teeth in less than 10 minutes.  It was like the express lane in a car wash!  Get those mouths in and out fast!  But I was glad to be in and out quickly as there was a man in the cubicle next to where I was gabbing about various things.  I could imagine the Covid particles coming out of his mouth and floating slowly over my way.  As cleaning your teeth requires not wearing a mask I was hoping he would stop talking fast as I was now vulnerable to being infected if he had lied on the form and fooled the temperature check equipment.   He stopped talking and before I knew it my appointment was over and I was escorted back up to the front office.  I recall in the pre Covid days having spent maybe twice the time getting my teeth cleaned.  Now it's get them in, and get them out.  I don't know how well my teeth were cleaned compared to the pre Covid days.  But,  I was relieved to get out of the office quickly.

 

Babyface's song

I was listening to satellite radio.  It is black music month, among all this chaos.  They started playing Babyface's song, "Soon As I Get Home".  Yeah, I know you ladies love that song.  Let's face it. Babyface was a man slave.  You know the lyrics, "I'll cook you dinner, soon as I get home from work."  The hell I will.  That line should have said, I'll order carryout soon as Sports Center goes off!  Then the song goes, "I'll pay your rent,...soon as I get home from work."  My question for Face is, why can't you use an app to pay her rent, before you get home?  If you really love her!  "I'll buy your clothes."  No I won't.  I don't know your size and I am not spending 3 hours in a store looking for your clothes.  Why can't you shop?  Talking about, "soon as I get home from work."  A brother  needs time to rest.   So soon as the weekend comes I might have some time.  Soon as I wake up.

French Fry Boarding

I think the military and the CIA need to move on from waterboarding people.  They should start fry boarding folks.  Feed a prisoner nothing but French fries.  Then lay the person down on a flat surface facing up and just drop fries on them for like 5 minutes straight.  Then squeeze like 5 to 6 bottles of catchup on the person.

 

Saturday Night Live Jeopardy Category

I think there should be a jeopardy category titled Zebras.  Then you would have the Sean Connery character then announce, "I will take Zee Bras for $700.  Then the actor portraying Alex Trabek would say, "It's not Zee bras you nitwit it's zebras like the jungle animal zebra. Then the Connery character would say of course, "At the end of our first date, your  mother acted like a jungle animal.  She was all over me."

 

The Psycho Store

I want to open a store.  No real reason.  I just want to be a business owner selling people stuff they don't need.  My idea is to open a store based on the 1960's movie "Psycho",  I would sell shower clear shower curtains, with red paint stripes.  Plastic knives.  Pictures for walls with built in peep holes inside the picture frames.  Soap, and fake wigs like Norman's mother wore.

Side effects of Covid 19

I was wondering what are the after effects of having Covid-19?  Well I got my answer.  I have noticed the past month long lines outside donut shops.  People just standing in line.  Not on their phones.  Not talking.  Just looking straight ahead.  Then when someone does come out of the donut shop with a bag of donuts, people start sniffing the air and their mouth starts moving.  Next time you drive by a donut shop check it out.  Covid brings on Zombie-Donut syndrome.  You have a taste for fried sugar dough.  People be buying 2 dozen donuts and stuff.  I saw one man ask a lady coming out of the donut shop could he have one!  That lady gave him an evil "I will kill you" look.

Secret Service Doubts

You have to feel for the secret service detail assigned to President Trump.  They had to evacuate Trump to a bunker due to the threat of violence outside the White House.  I can imagine what those agents were thinking. "This is a bunch of bull ____! It's a Saturday night and we're evacuating this fool to a bunker.  Hell, when Obama was here, we would be at watch over concerts and dinners and stuff!  Now we gotta carry this fat jerk down to the bunker.  They need to buy his ass a Presidential scooter and build a ramp down to the bunker.  Talking about us using vicious dogs on protestors.  Hell, I'll be on the patio grilling some hot dogs if those protestors break in.  Hey, you want mustard on your dog?"

 

Lihttps://arnellhill.blogspot.com/2020/04/stand-and-pray-post-covid-sports-events.htmlnk   #Stand and Pray

 

The Post Covid-19 Greeting

Mr. Spock, science officer on the Star Ship Enterprise, from the 1967 social/sci-fi TV series Star Trek was ahead of his time.  He greeted you and bid you farewell in this manner.  This will replace my usual greeting and farewell handshake starting TODAY!  Now I get it Spock.  You knew about the dangers of hand shaking, hugging etc.

 

Permission to Wear a Mask??

Did I hear correctly?  As we are into the 4th month of Covid-19, the Federal government is now saying, "it might be a good idea to wear a mask when you are outside."  Now that is outrageous by itself.  But...can you see any black man wearing a mask walking into a store, through a white neighborhood.... anywhere around a white person and not being shot 18 times and tasered?  And that's before the police show up!

 

The Coronanator - The Rise of the Virus

The President’s science guy has let us all know.  It’s straight out of “The Terminator” movie series.  Dr. Faucet, the President’s go to science guy, said the Corona virus told Dr. Faucet, “I’ll be back” in the Fall of this year.

That is a call to action.  It’s obvious what we need to do.  To stop more illnesses and deaths of innocent people.  To defeat Virusnet.  We the people of the Resistance need to send somebody back through time to defeat the virus when it first appeared in China.  It’s the most sensible solution.  Somebody go round up Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton and have them suit up.  Send them back to Wu Han province in China prior to January 2020 and have them deal with Virusnet before it launched the Corona virus.  If you want to, send President Trump back with them.  Let Trump sweet talk Corona with some kind of business deal that will keep Corona away from the United States.

If we don’t send someone back now, you know a new model of Corona will be messing us up in the Fall. Corona will be stronger, faster, ripping masks off our faces.   But we know how it will work.  Virusnet will keep on sending Coronanators to wipe us out.  More advanced, and more deadly.  We have to keep sending folks back into time though.  If Arnold, Linda and Trump don’t work out, send somebody else.  Send “The Rock”, “can you smell the virus the Rock is cooking.”  Send Daniel Craig, Mr. James Bond himself.  Send the cheating Houston Astros baseball team.  If they can’t pull one over the Coronanators, nobody can.

This is it people.  The rise of the viruses.  Are you ready?

 

Life After Corona

The world after Corona will be different.  People will be paranoid.  So get ready.  Folks in rest rooms who do your business and walk out without washing your hands! Watch out. They are  putting hidden cameras in rest rooms to catch your nasty behind!  It will be like a scene from that movie, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".  You will be walking out of the rest room minding your own business.  Then all of a sudden people will start staring at you.  Then they will all raise an arm and point at you.  Then they will open their mouths and this un Godly scary screech will come out.  So wash your hands!  Don't get called out by the Body Snatchers.  People traveling on planes.  Do your best not to sneeze or cough.  If you do people will turn towards you, point that arm, open their mouth and out comes that Body Snatcher screech.  Next thing you know they will be putting a parachute on your back, the plane descends some so they can jettison your behind out the plane.  Then you'll find yourself hurtling to the ground trying to pull the cord to open your parachute.  You look around and see 4 to 5 other chutes around you also floating down.  That's the new airline policy.  Sneeze or cough?  Be ready to fly outside the plane. 

Corona Zombies

I went to my local grocery store last week just after the Corona virus went into escalation mode.  Walked into the store and thought, "damn, this place has been raided by zombies."  In the meat section all the red meat was gone!  Zombies got a serious hankering for some flesh and tore that store up!  I had never saw a meat section so empty before.  It was as if the zombies had brought in a big ass meat vacuum machine and sucked up all the meat.  So I just want to know.  Why are zombies so selfish?  It's all about them, especially when a crisis happens.  What happens?  Does some zombie switch click on that turns them into selfish overdrive mode?  I think after Congress passes this Corona economic stimulus package, they need to work on some zombie legislation.  We need to implement some protections against  zombie misbehavior.  Something like the Zombie Food Share Act of 2020.  Where it limits zombies to small quantities of meat hoarding during a crisis.  Especially since most zombies don't have freezers.  They just start eating the meat raw after they leave the store.  It starts rotting and stinking up their homes.

Coronary Virus

Folks are starting to lose their mind over this new corona, coronary, or whatever the hell it's called, virus.  Folks boycotting Chinese food places because they think they can get the virus from eating Chinese food!  Come on people.  An egg roll, fried rice, and egg fu yung will not make you sick, unless it's just bad cabbage and spoiled eggs being used.  Stop wearing those masks when you go into a Chinese restaurant.  You're just going to wind  up getting shot because folks will think you're trying to rob them.  Folks at home pouring soy sauce down the toilet.  Just doing extreme stuff.  Folks throwing away packages of Rommen noodles.  Perfectly good food being tossed out!  It's really bad when you see people crossing the street when they see Asian people walking their way.

 

You Know the Rapture Has Arrived When......

I just found out that Kanye West just put out a Gospel album.  Now that's noteworthy in itself.  But that means we have time to get it together still.  It's not quite Rapture time yet.  But....if you hear that R Kelly puts out a double vinyl gospel album, realize that the rapture is right around the corner!  

Prescription names for children

I get a kick out of the commercials on TV advertising prescription drugs.  First there is the 15 minute list of the negative side effects of the drugs.  Then I realized one night that the names of the drugs actually are great names for new babies.  Can you imagine naming your baby Latuda? Dovato Jones.  Myrena Johnson?  Kyleena.  Humira?  Dupixent Smith.  And of course the greatest female name ever, Anafalaxis.

July 4th and the National Anthem

It just occurred to me that the ending of the United States national anthem should be amended to "...and the land of the free, since 1865."  Plus all those references and advertisements also need correcting to add the clarifier "...since 1865".  Because that is when the United States institution of legalized slavery ended.  Of course all that has transpired in the 154 years since has not been land of the free activities for black and other people of color in this land.

Real Poverty

When I was young we were so poor we ate Rice without the Roni.

 

Uncle Melvin Explains Easter

With Easter coming up, I remember my Uncle Melvin and his attempts to teach me about religion.  My Aunt’s always told me to never listen to Uncle Melvin when it came to talking about God.  I remember Uncle Melvin trying to explain the real story of Easter and what it meant.  I was probably about 5 years old.  He said that Easter was the time when Jesus and this bunny rabbit went off to find some eggs that somebody named Pompous Pilot had hidden in some garden.  According to Uncle Melvin, the Pilot found out and used magic to turn the rabbit into chocolate.  Uncle Melvin said that the Pilot put a World Wrestling Entertainment wrestling move on Jesus called “the crucifixion” that knocked Jesus out for 3 days until he woke up.  I told my Aunts what Uncle Melvin said.  After that they wouldn’t let Uncle Melvin talk to me about religion anymore.

The Solution to Crime

I get tired of hearing news stories about crime. Let’s face it.  People do whatever the hell they want to.  Good or bad.  It just seems like we as people are better at doing bad stuff.  And we’re very creative doing bad stuff.  I wonder do people stay up all night thinking about crazy horrendous crimes to commit or just improvise it?  My answer is to expect the crimes and just develop harsh inhumane punishments.  If somebody commits a crime, yeah give them a trial but stop sending guilty folks to prison!  What I would do is give those found guilty 2 bottles of 8 ounces of water, take them to an isolated spot in the desert, at least 700 miles from civilization and just leave them there.  To show that I do have some humanity I would leave them some lumber and some bibles.  Give them some hardware to build shelter.  Then they can do the hell what they want to each other.  Yes, I would monitor what they are doing.  If things got out of hand I would authorize a military strike to take them all out.  Compassion has a limit.  Then send the next group of criminals in and start fresh.

Gas Pump Questions in 5 below weather

I hate to pump gas in cold weather.  If I could find a full service gas station in the winter time, I would drive for half an hour to get my tank filled up. You know.  You pull up to the pump, call a number and tell someone to come the hell out and fill up your car with gas.  I’m serious.  I would tip for that. The way it is now, they have the gas pumps set up to ask you like 12 questions before you can even lift up the gas nozzle.  You out there freezing while being asked some stupid questions by a machine. You slide your card in the machine. Then it asks you is this a Credit card?  Debit Card?  Rewards Card?  What is your zip code?  Who’s your momma?  How much do you weigh? Are you Black?  Are you Latino? Then the dumbest question is, “Do you want a receipt?”  If I have to get my behind out in 2 below zero temperature to pump 10 gallons of gas and answer 12 questions for 5 minutes you damn right I want a receipt.  Who thinks up those questions?  A gas pump needs to say only 3 things.  Slide your payment card in. Pump your gas.  Take your receipt and go.  3 questions in less than 30 seconds.  Getting gas should be like a pit stop in a stock car race.  They should give rewards for the quickest gas pump stop.  If you break the record your gas is free!

Cold Christmas Donation to Bell Ringer

Yeah, when it’s cold I avoid making too many stops in my car.  I remember one day around Christmas I was driving past this Salvation Army bell ringer.  I was in the giving mode but it was like 6 degrees outside with a wind chill of 7 below.   So, I roll down my window and threw money out in the direction of the bucket.  It’s the thought that counts.

Old School Eatin'

Today I make up for what I did not eat when I was a child.  When I was a child we were poor.  So we always ate poor people food.  One my snacks was eating raw white starch from a box.  It tasted pretty good, but it was nasty eating.  Your mouth would get all covered with white paste and your lips would be all white.  It was like you were eating paste! Yeah, it was no potato chips for us.  Another snack treat was dog biscuits.  Man that was some good snackin.  I don’t know where we got the dog biscuits from because we didn’t have a dog.  My parents tried to keep us fed, but some of the stuff was just gross to me.   Okra.  It was slimy and looked like it was the severed arm of a lizard or something.  Then there was pig tails.  It was our meat substitute.  Slimy pretend meat.  But we ate it.  Put some mustard on it and eat that pretend slimy meat.  We didn’t have steaks.  It was pig tails.  Then there was the infamous neck bones.   Now neck bones were supposed to be the meat in a meal.  But you had to suck whatever meat was in the bones for like 15 minutes to even get a semblance of tasting meat.  There was more bones than meat in the neck bones.  Finally you got so tired sucking the meat, that you just ate the bones and all.  Put some mustard on it and eat that crunchy pretend meat item.  Then later on for a snack we ate spaghetti sticks from the box.  Who needs potato chips when you can eat a handful of spaghetti sticks?  My favorite poor food was eating Captain Crunch at breakfast.  Nothing like a bowl of sugar to get you ready for a hard day at school!  One of our holiday foods was eating chittlings.  That was a unique tasting meat item.  I didn’t know where they came from.  I just know they were good with hot sauce.  It wasn’t until much later that I found out chittlings were the intestines of pigs!  Now I don’t know how I felt about that once I found out.  I just remember that they tasted good with hot sauce.  One of my favorite things I could buy from the local store was suzy  Q cupcakes.  Suzy Q cupcakes were my thing.  Cost 15 cents. They had one package with two chocolate cup cakes with creamy icing in between the layers of cake.  I would spend like 20 minutes eating that cupcake.  Eat you a bowl of Captain Crunch and then a pack of Suzy Q cupcakes and it was heaven on Earth.

The Omen 2017

Anyone old enough to remember the "Damien" trilogy of movies that started in 1976? The main character's name was Damien Thorn. Those initials "DT" are eerily similar to that of the current alleged human being serving as President of the United States. The 1976 Omen was followed by Omen 2 and Omen 3. Hopefully our current "DT" will be the last one we have to endure!

"45" and Kim Jung-Un Do Battle Using the songs of Elton John!

 

The nuclear test drama between leaders of the United States and North Korea entered another chapter this week.  "45" called the North Korean leader, Kim Jung-Un, "Rocket Man" and then continued speaking about Kim Jung-Un as the song "Rocket Man" by Elton John played in the background.  Secret service men could be seen in the background mouthing the lyrics of the songs while scanning the crowd.

About half an hour later, Kim Jung-Un responded by calling "45's" remarks those of a barking dog as the Elton John song, "The Bitch is Back" played in the background.

Fifteen minutes later, "45" sent the White House Press secretary to remind the press of his "rain of fire and fury" comments to the sounds of Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road".

Kim Jung-Un quickly responded by playing the Elton John song, "Tiny Dancer" with a photographic close up of "45's" crotch area.

Not to be outdone, "45" had the song "Saturday Night's Allright" blasting onto Pennsylvania Avenue through the exterior White House speakers.

Minutes later the airwaves in North Korea were filled with the strands of the song "I'm Still Standing" by Elton John.

"45" then went off his scheduled speech at a luncheon as he started singing the Elton John song, "Bennie and the Jets" as he pointed to a hand held map of North Korea.

The back and forth came to an end and the parties called it a day after Kim Jung-Un played the song "Don't go breaking my heart" as he ordered another missile test over the country of Japan.

We understand that both leaders will be moving to the play list of the Rolling Stones in the next volley of musical exchanges.

Black Actors as KFC Colonel Sanders!

I saw the other day that Rob Lowe will be the latest actor to play the role of the Kentucky Fried Chicken icon Colonel Sanders in commercials.  My first thought of course was why can't KFC select a black man to play the role of Colonel Sanders?  Can you envision Jamie Fox, Kevin Hart, Steve Harvey, Eddie Murphy or Cedric the Entertainer in the role of the Colonel?  I can see either one of these actors adding some improvisation to the commercials.  Comments like, "This sure would taste good with some greens!"  Or, "Where's the hot sauce?"  So Jamie, Eddie, Steve, Kevin, Cedric, have your agents contact KFC and drop a commercial for us as the first black Colonel Sanders!

What If ? (Here is a commercial I would like to see on television or during previews at the movies!)

Let us return to the year 1500.  A ship of settlers having made their way from Europe approach the eastern shore of what we now call the United States of America.  As they approach the shore they see a gigantic wall around the shore.  It rises some 90 feet from the ground.  It looks as though the wall extends forever along the coast line.  Several settlers get into a small boat and head for shore to get a closer look at the wall and to look for an entry point.  They walk for over an hour, but still find no entry point.  All of a sudden from behind them appears a group of Native Americans.  Sons of the original settlers of this land.  The Europeans are startled at first.  Then the Europeans attempt to communicate through hand signals indicating that they want to get inside the wall.  One Native American responds by rolling out onto the ground what looks to be a map.  It is a map of the world with "X" marks on the countries in Europe.  The Native American then points for them to head back to their boat.

Onto the screen comes a Native American narrator.  "What if we had vetted you in your first excursions into America?  What if we had denied you entry into our land?  What if we had built a wall?

The scene ends with the Europeans getting back into the boat and returning to their ship.  A view of the never ending wall ends the scene.  The caption "extreme vetting" comes on the screen.

Trump's Jobs Program

America's Russian puppet President, Donald Trump, will soon initiate his "America First" jobs program.  Plans are in progress for building the  immigration "Wall of Jericho" between the United States and Mexico.  In anticipation of the start of the massive project, thousands of Mexican and South American citizens are flooding the United States southern border, in the many underground tunnels beneath the proposed wall site, to get in line to apply for the wall builder positions.  Due to national security reasons, the wall builder federal jobs will be exempt from the Federal hiring freeze enacted by Trump this week.  The number of people needed to complete the project will also entice the many unemployed American black males to apply for the jobs also, only to be rejected for numerous reasons not yet developed.  Sean Spicer, Trump's alternate facts Press Secretary, told reporters that Trump is considering giving first preference for the new wall builder positions to descendants of Native Americans.  Spicer said Trump told him "we owe it to the Indians to allow them to help make America great again!"  He said this as he signed an executive order restarting the Dakota oil pipeline.  In protest against the proposed project, teenage hackers got into the Homeland Security web site and posted a video of John Mellencamp singing the iconic song "Crumblin' Down".  Internet chatter also spiked with discussion of proposed terrorist projects to target the wall shortly after it's completed.

 

Uncle Melvin and the blizzard

  • I grew up in Saint Louis, Missouri during the 1960s.  I had some classic old school Uncles.   Brilliant black men.  One time when I was a kid I once told my Uncle Melvin that I wanted some Mc Donalds French fries. That was a big thing back then, because we didn’t have any money to eat at McDonalds let alone any place.  So Uncle Melvin tells me, “Why pay McDonalds for French fries?”  He told me he would make me some.  So he got one small potato, some butter, a knife and a skillet.  Then he took that one small potato, cut it up and made about 800 shoestring French fries.  All from one small potato. He fried them in butter, and put some hot sauce on them. Best fries I ever had!
  • Then this other time I told Uncle Melvin, “The TV says there’s an ice storm coming.  Let’s go to the store for food!”  Uncle Melvin was all cool.  He turned to me and said, “We got bread?”  I said “yeah”.  Uncle Melvin asked “We got potatoes?”  I said “yeah” and smiled.  “French fries!”  Uncle Melvin asked “We got Con, Die, Mints?”  I said “Connie who?”  He said “Con, Die, Mints!  Mustard, mayonnaise, sugar, butter, hot sauce!”  I said, “Oh, condiments!  Yeah we got all that.”  Uncle Melvin said “we’ll be all right then.”  The ice storm came.  We were stuck inside for 3 days.  But we ate good.  Along with his famous shoe string French fries Uncle Melvin made the best Mayonnaise sandwiches, mustard sandwiches, I ever had.  For dessert we had melted butter grease spread on bread toasted in the oven with sugar on top.  “Sweet sugar toast”.  Now that was real eating.

Mentoring

  • I mentor kids in school. I know I’m old, but this one kid asked me if when I grew up did I know Harriett Tubman?  So I told him the truth.  I said, yeah I knew Harriett, Jesus Christ, and the Apostles.  As a matter of fact, me, Harriett and Jesus would hang out at the Whattaburger over by the highway.  That’s where we made the 10 Commandments.